Trump Times Entry 143 – Circular Arguments

Circular Arguments

March 31, 2017

Recently, a couple guys on the White House staff copped some information from an FBI surveillance resource. They cherry-picked a few conversations, then packed them up into a nice press-package and called the leader of the House Intelligence Trump investigation, Devin Nunes. The congressman came running to White House and obediently collected the package – he didn’t bother to mention this somewhat unorthodox evidence collection method to the rest of his investigative committee.

After reviewing the material and assessing presidential need, Nunes held press conferences and suggested that newly discovered data vindicated Trump, but refused to disclose the nature of the info or the source. He then rushed to the White House to advise Trump staff of his lucky find. He didn’t bother to mention this somewhat unorthodox discloser method to the rest of his investigative committee.

So, illegally obtained information from the entity under investigation, the White House, was (secretly) moved from the White House, to congressman Nunes, to the press, back to the White House. The Donald then feigned surprised outrage with the investigation, claimed vindication and changed the subject to Hillary Clinton’s 2009 Russian Reset.

Nice, that Trump inspired fake news completed the circle in only three clumsy steps – and we appreciate that. Keeping it simple is good for everyone. Keeping bullshit simple is good for the liar because there’s less to keep track of – easier to keep the story straight. And it’s good for the rest of us because it’s simpler to unravel and fewer new names need be memorized. (Frankly, I’m running out of memory space for the names of all the new traitors and have begun to just tend a dark-grey folder labeled: “Other Trump Traitors”. There are no actual names in the folder, just the word “many”.)

You know, if I can’t remember a few names, it’s probably unfair to expect the Donald to keep the totality of his bullshit straight for much longer. It’s been one-hundred-forty-three days since the election and that’s a long time to maintain so many lies. So, the republic understands the Donald’s desire for simplicity of bullshit. It must be really hard keeping so many balls in the air.

Nevertheless, Michael Flynn just offered to testify about the Russian connections, but insists upon immunity from criminal prosecution. So, looks like some other guys on the White House staff are gonna need to try another Hail-Mary. Hope they keep it simple.

In Peace and Justice,

Trump Times Entry 98 – Inadvertent Treason

Inadvertent Treason

February 14, 2017developers-will-resist

Well, we’ve endured ninety-eight long days since Russia selected the Donald as our alternative leader and, finally, the wisdom of Putin’s choice has become suspect. Is it possible that Vladimir made a mistake and bet on the wrong horse? Trump, certainly, looked good – he had both business and personal associations with Russia and needed money. And let’s face it, the fact that Trump is easily manipulated with flattery can be very appealing to any buyer.

Just like any other Trump supporter, Putin had every reason to think the Donald was a good investment – he seemed sympathetic and the price was right. But, like every other supporter, Vladimir didn’t see that the Donald’s apparent insanity was not a public persona, but, instead, an actual illness. And now that lack of foresight has cost Putin his first American general.

Michael Flynn’s resignation from the National Security Adviser post was a sad loss for Putin and the Russian people. And so unnecessary. Had the Trump team just coordinated their alternative facts, decided upon a remotely plausible story, they could have held off attention long enough to make the whole thing go away – disappear into the wake of the next shit storm.

But, no. Trump was busy tweeting spring fashion prognostications and his staff was at Mar-a-Lago discussing the North Korean rocket launch while an adoring public looked on. Poor Mike Flynn’s needs were lost in the confusion. Crazy, hey?

At least our congress is on damage control, and plans to get Flynn to a safe place by doing what congress does best – nothing. House Oversight Committee Chairman Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah) announced Tuesday they would not investigate what contacts Michael Flynn had with the Russian government and whether Flynn then lied about his communications.

To quote Chaffetz, “It’s taking care of itself.” I, for one, am pleased to find out treason is now a self-healing wound.

So, that leaves us with time for a quick thought on Trump’s Senior Advisor Stephen Miller: where does the Donald find these people? Miller looks like a Nazi actor from Raiders of the Lost Ark, but speaks with considerably less compassion and humanity.

The republic recognizes Stephen Miller as a male alternative Kellyanne Conway and demands the Donald send an actual human to speak to us.

In Peace and Justice.