Trump Times Entry 274 – Trump Brand Fight Club

Trump Brand Fight Club

August 10, 2017

Kind of numb – perhaps, punch drunk.

We’re all members of the Donald’s fight club. Sure, some of us don’t realize it because, well, you don’t talk about fight club – rules one and two. But membership’s been mandatory since the election, two-hundred-seventy-five days ago because rule three of Trump’s Fight Club is: everyone’s a member. The last rule: the Donald gets to pick the fights, is another variation on the original, but consistent with the Trump corporate policy. Hence, fair enough for the Donald, so fair enough for the country.

The notion that Trump always wins is not so much a rule as a social construct. Over the years, we’ve found that when playing with the Donald, it’s best for the Donald to win – it’s only polite. And he gets crabby if he doesn’t.

While discussing the club is not allowed, discussing the fights is encouraged. After all, every mention of a fight will include mention of the Donald and that’s the point – the Donald.

The fights have been numerous: Trump vs the press, Trump vs the FBI, Trump vs Rosie, Trump vs Australia, Trump vs Germany, Trump vs Clinton (still), Trump vs Trump golf club members, Trump vs Trump University students, Trump vs real university students, Trump vs trans people, Trump vs. Comey, Trump vs the EPA and Trump vs Kim Jong-Un – just to name a few.

Of late, the Donald’s  even started up with fellow Republicans. His latest go-round with Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell, while off to a slow start, promises to get ugly fast and may entertain us clear through the holidays. Can’t wait for the Donald to whip out the frog insults.

Of course, none of the fights have ever come to actual fisticuffs. If they had, Megyn Kelly would have kicked his overweight ass last Fall (Trump vs Megyn Kelly, October 2016). But to be fair, we can’t expect the Donald to physically fight, what with his bone spurs and all. So,Trump gets to stick with rhetoric and leave the dangerous stuff to the rest of – yeah, I know, another variation from the original rules.

To be sure, the Trump branded fight club rules differ significantly from the original. Nevertheless, the republic recognizes that the Donald’s fight club is based the same base principle: the desire to destroy something beautiful.

Defend yourselves at all times,

Trump Times Entry 159 – Massive Testosterone Poisoning

Massive Testosterone Poisoning

April 16, 2017

We need to keep an eye on him when he gets like this. The Donald’s a sensitive guy and elevated hormone levels are to be expected. After all, what good is power without veneration? Plus, he’s become accustomed to a certain level of attention. Let’s call it a reasonable expectation, given his alpha-male position.

So, just who does that little Korean, Kim Jong-un, guy think he is? You don’t upstage the Donald, just ask Steve Bannon. Yet, there he is flashing his tiny equipment, talking trash, dominating valuable column-inches that, rightfully, should be all Donald. Not cool.

It’s ironic how two guys, guys who’ve never met, who live on separate continents, can succumb to the same malady, at the same time. It’s like they had the same bad mushrooms, or drank the same tainted energy drink or shared the same shitty upbringing. But, regardless of cause, their symptoms of testosterone poisoning are as obvious as a runway after an airstrike.

And there’s no modern cure.

Traditionally, when a couple guys worked themselves up into this state, we would just form a circle and let them have-at it. Fists flew, blood was let, wagers were won and lost – it was entertaining and eventually the poisoning subsided, either by virtue of exhaustion or, on occasion, death. Then life moved on – pretty much only the infected were affected.

Now, its’s complicated. The real alphas don’t fight for themselves anymore. No, they hire or otherwise compel others to handle those details, while they “make the hard decisions”. In technologically clever places they even have machines to do the fighting. This, of course, leads to tragic assumptions regarding consequence; since the big shots don’t get hurt, they view consequences in the abstract. Other people, body count…

But guys with testosterone poisoning don’t think in the abstract. They are here and now, self, don’t really see others, except for the challenger, the enemy. In the interest of public safety, they probably should be restrained, but instead they become political leaders. Odd how that works.

The republic feels we should reconsider traditional ways. If the Donald and Kim want to fight they may do so, with each other. We suspect the result of such a cage-match would be one opponent dead from a heart attack, though which one remains a mystery.

While the last one-hundred-fifty-nine days, since that fucking election, haven’t been all that much fun there’s no need to end them just because two assholes have massive testosterone poisoning.

In Peace and Justice,