Trump Times Entry 216 – The Greatest Imaginary Tapes on Earth

The Greatest Imaginary Tapes on Earth

Days Since Election: 216
Days until Termination: ?

June 12, 2017

Like most of Trump’s shtick the, now infamous, tapes of Comey conversations are imaginary. The Donald made them up to add color his drama while venting on Twitter. Trump was pissed off at Comey for stealing the spotlight, and needed to say something to get attention. So, he went with a classic – Oval Office tapes.

And it worked.

Not only did he get instant attention, with critics on both the left and right all scrambling to write rave reviews, but even his republican congress audience awoke from their Trump induced stupor chanting, “Tapes?  Must hear tapes.”

Yup, just like that, the Donald conjured a new prop to tease us with. And now, whenever things get too quiet or too real, Trump can yell, “Tapes!” and the press will drop everything to follow the shiny object. Nice…

And since their purpose is to distract, not inform, it doesn’t matter whether they actually exist or not. We’re never going to hear them. And that’s okay since the tapes are most valuable to the Donald unheard, shrouded in mystery. A virtual prop in the make America great show.

The republic thought the last circus, the Ringling Brothers’ last act, was back in May. But, the Trump show is just starting and promises to be the greatest ever with political clowns, predatory animals and magic words.

Step right up, folks – the Jeff Sessions high wire act is about to begin. And after that, if we’re lucky, the Donald himself will tell us a story with magic tapes before he makes them and Sessions disappear.

In Peace and Justice,


Trump Times Entry 214 – 100% Willing

100% Willing

June 10, 2017

Last Thursday, James Comey testified that the Donald, on multiple occasions, tried to persuade him to “let go” of the FBI’s Michael Flynn investigation. Comey, documented the presidential sales-calls back when they occurred and, of course, reported the events to FBI senior staff. Comey’s a careful man and was concerned that, someday, Trump might lie about the nature of those meeting. So, he documented and archived the details, just in case.

It should be noted that Comey led his testimony with declaring Trump a liar during a six-paragraph defense of his former agency, the FBI. Word on the street is Comey is something of a Boy Scout and fiercely loyal to the agency.

The Donald’s response, pretty much as expected, was to deny everything. He suggested that Comey was a liar and felt the testimony actually exonerated him. So, game over, let’s get back to plundering.

Trump offered no documentation, no witnesses, no narrative whatsoever other than, “No! I didn’t say that and there would be nothing wrong if I did.” But, when further pressed, proclaimed he was 100% willing to testify under oath just like Comey.

Woo-hoo! The president will testify under oath! Now there’s a headline grabber! Trump sure knows how to seize the narrative. The chance to watch a sitting President commit perjury got everyone’s attention. Trump testifying – now, that would be a show.

Except, it’s a promise from a liar – from the guy who told us he’d disclose his tax information right after the election, but changed his mind – from the guy who falsely accused Obama of wiretapping, who lied about using American steel only on new pipelines, lied about murder rate, about the Paris Climate Agreement and even the fucking inauguration crowd size.

Trump’s not testifying. He’s counting on the republic’s willingness to ignore his actions regardless of his words. It’s been working so far – or, so he thinks – so, why not.

On the two-hundred-fourteenth day since seizing power the Trump White House is lawyered-up and playing defense. Sworn testimony? Don’t think so, but short of that, the Donald is 100% willing to say anything to hang onto power.

In Peace and Justice,

How long do you think he’ll stretch out the “Tapes” tease? Certainly, longer than will be considered tasteful. He’s such a shitty performer – we need this show canceled.

Trump Times Entry 213 – Above the Law

Above the Law

June 9, 2017

Of course, Comey’s testimony yesterday sparked talk of obstruction of justice charges. And, of course, Trump’s Republican minions feel such charges are totally uncalled for. The reasons to go-easy on the Donald range from “Trump didn’t explicitly demand Comey end the investigation – he just wished Comey would do so.” to “The Donald is new at this government thing – he’s learning as he goes.”

That first reason offered to ignore Trump’s crimes is what we expect from his lawyer – pars the words to obfuscate meaning, look for (or create) reasonable doubt, leverage Trump’s shitty English to make what he says meaningless.

The other reason is a Paul Ryan special. Paul, in a press conference, asked us to be gentle with the Donald because he’s new at this, but he’s learning. The only rational response to this particular defense is a big old, “Fuck off, Paul!” The presidency does not offer on the job training; the candidates for that office claim they can hit the ground running – and that’s what we expect. If Trump is having problems handling the job he can always quit.

There is a third defense, suggested by Trump himself: the Comey is lying and Trump is telling the truth defense. But, no one really believes that – not even Trump supporters.

So, onto completing an investigation and criminal charges – right?

Maybe not.

Various news sources now report we cannot criminally charge a sitting president. Apparently, legal scholars claim the whole equal protection under the law thing has a loophole. Congress would first need to impeach him before charges could be filed.

Of course, the next guy up to bat, Pence, would likely pardon him – like Ford did for Nixon. So regardless of the crime, Trump will probably walk away free.

After suffering two-hundred-thirteen days of Trump crime and abuse is appears the best the republic can expected it to, maybe, fire the Donald for treason? Fuck, we need a new system.

And the Donald needs to eat more junk food and exercise less.

In Peace and Justice,

Trump Times Entry 184 – Nixon’s Ghost is Laughing His Ass Off

Nixon’s Ghost Is Laughing His Ass Off

May 11, 2017

The information’s been too dense for a single page narrative today.  So, let’s go with a summary:

  1. Comey was investigating the Donald’s involvement with Russia.
  2. Trump didn’t like that and told him so.
  3. Following Senator Warren’s example, Comey persisted.
  4. So, the Donald had the Assistant Attorney General and Attorney General write up some reasons to fire Comey that had nothing to do with Russia. (CYA – ya know?)
  5. Then, Trump fired FBI Director Comey.
  6. Immediately thereafter, Trump and his miscommunication team told us that the Donald was just acting on recommendations from the Justice Department. See, look at the documents, they’re signed by the Attorney General and the assistant!
  7. The Assistant Attorney General then threatened to quit if Trump kept lying about him.
  8. So, they stopped lying about that, for the moment. But, the message was already delivered – thanks to social media and fake Fox News.
  9. The Attorney General who is recused from all things Russian, but still participated in this action, has been blissfully quiet. (He, likely, knows how close to the line he’s walking and fears consequences.  Seventy is pretty old to be starting a prison term.)
  10. Sean Spicer is caught hiding from the press behind some bushes. 🙂
  11. The Donald informs us that “after things settle down” we will all thank him for his decisive action.
  12. The very next day, Trump holds a meeting with high level Russian diplomats. The American press is barred from the meeting while the Russian media is welcomed.
  13. As if foreshadowing the apocalypse, Kellyanne Conway starts giving interviews again. 😦

So, bottom line: Trump fired the guy who was investigating him.  That’s what finally got Nixon.  Of course, back then congress was Democratic and most Republicans had, at least partial, souls.  Not so today.   Paul Ryan and the spineless Republican congress continue to support Trump and will until he’s of no further use to them.  Hopefully, they’ll turn on him before he invites Russian troops into DC.

After one-hundred-eighty-four days of post-election Trump bullshit it’s all begun to sound like white-noise.  Back when Nixon was lying to us we had to separate the lies from the truth.  It’s simpler today, since we can assume Trump is always lying – spinning stories within stories, like a cheap rip-off of a Tolstoy classic.

But the Republic really doesn’t want to learn Russian.

In Peace and Justice,


Trump Times Entry 183 – FBI Director Christie?

FBI Director Christie?

May 10, 2017

After firing FBI Director James Comey for not doing what the president wanted, the Donald is left with a decision: who to replace the maverick, Russian hating, Hillary loving Comey with? Sure, any other despot would have selected a replacement before purging that day’s opposition, but Trump’s not your traditional tyrant. The Donald prefers the “act now – damage control later” management technique, as taught at Trump University.

Comey brought in on himself of course.  Did he really think he could walk an ethical line with the Donald after crossing that line for the Donald? No James, all sales are final. Once your soul is under the Trump trademark you don’t own it – the Donald does. (Dumb ass!)

And really, what else could Trump do? He had hinted, loudly and clumsily, for over six months that all Russian stuff was fake news and the matter was closed. Nevertheless, Comey persisted. So, the Donald was forced to counter with a classic Trump tactic: when in doubt, fire someone.

Ever the showman, Trump added a twist to make it his own and explained that Comey had to go because he had treated Hillary unfairly. Then, In a flashy display of political acrobatics, the Donald concurrently criticized Comey for doing Hillary a favor by not prosecuting her.

Nice. The brazen, in our face, don’t care if sounds like bullshit lying we get from this conman remains breathtaking. Even after one-hundred-eighty-three of post-election repetition, the Trump narrative remains raw and fresh like new episodes of a really shitty soap opera.

But, fuck Comey he’s old news. (Unless he comes back as an Independent Prosecutor in a future episode. Who knows what our congressional comedy writers have in store?)

Instead, let’s briefly cover replacement. Could this finally be Chris Christie’s chance to join the Trump White House? Ever the bridesmaid, never the bride, Chris has been a Trump supporter for a long while and he’s been passed over time and time again. While some think Chris just lacks the required optics (Trump prefers good looking guys like himself), I think it’s more of a type casting problem.

The Donald requires sycophants that don’t look like sycophants. Sure, he prefers pretty ass-kissers, but mostly they must be capable of playing a pro-Trump public role while appearing independent. Unfortunately, Christie always looks like he’s sucking-up, even when he’s just enjoying a hug from a black president. Frankly, Chis looks too needy. (Plus, the Donald may never get over that hug.)

On the other hand, given the high death rate among Trump staff, the Donald may be hard-pressed to find any volunteers other than Chris. So, this may be the perfect storm that renders FBI Director Christie.

The republic would expect Chris to bring the same skills and ethics to the FBI that he featured in New Jersey. In a fractured, bombastic, divided administration, who better to build bridges than Governor Christie?

In Peace and Justice,

Trump Times Entry 177 – Mildly Nauseous

Mildly Nauseous

May 4, 2017

They tend to start with how they feel – like the whole thing’s about them. That’s because, from their point of view, it is all about them. FBI Director James Comey is no exception; yesterday he shared his feelings about breaking investigation protocol and sending information about an ongoing FBI case to congress – a few days before the 2016 election. He knew the information would leak to the public and affect the election, but what else could he do? The choices were limited to talk or conceal. While talking felt kind of bad, concealing would have been a disaster.

Yeah right.

He was not forthcoming about the nature of the potential disaster – you know, investigation protocol prevented that. He did confirm the reason he didn’t talk about the Trump campaign investigation that was going on at the same time was investigation protocol. When asked, he couldn’t share any new information about Russian involvement in our election because, obviously, investigation protocol. But, he believes Russia is still involved in our political system, yet, once again, could offer no supporting detail because he needs to observe investigation protocol.

So, the only things Comey shared with the Senate committee yesterday were his feelings. Anything else he may or may not know had to be withheld due to protocol. After all, James feels bad enough already.

Hence, the take away here is that if you’re a powerful guy in charge of a vast agency, you get to select which rules to follow or not follow. It’s okay, as long as you feel bad when you break the rules. It’s a tough cross to bear, a white man’s burden, so to speak.

After one-hundred-seventy-seven days of the Donald sharing his fragmented feelings with the world on twitter, the republic needs a break from these touchy-feely Republicans. We don’t need another guy explaining how painful privilege can be.

As a matter of fact, it would be best if Comey withheld his feelings until he’s given the opportunity to share them with his parole officer.

In Peace and Justice,