Trump Times Entry 216 – The Greatest Imaginary Tapes on Earth

The Greatest Imaginary Tapes on Earth

Days Since Election: 216
Days until Termination: ?

June 12, 2017

Like most of Trump’s shtick the, now infamous, tapes of Comey conversations are imaginary. The Donald made them up to add color his drama while venting on Twitter. Trump was pissed off at Comey for stealing the spotlight, and needed to say something to get attention. So, he went with a classic – Oval Office tapes.

And it worked.

Not only did he get instant attention, with critics on both the left and right all scrambling to write rave reviews, but even his republican congress audience awoke from their Trump induced stupor chanting, “Tapes?  Must hear tapes.”

Yup, just like that, the Donald conjured a new prop to tease us with. And now, whenever things get too quiet or too real, Trump can yell, “Tapes!” and the press will drop everything to follow the shiny object. Nice…

And since their purpose is to distract, not inform, it doesn’t matter whether they actually exist or not. We’re never going to hear them. And that’s okay since the tapes are most valuable to the Donald unheard, shrouded in mystery. A virtual prop in the make America great show.

The republic thought the last circus, the Ringling Brothers’ last act, was back in May. But, the Trump show is just starting and promises to be the greatest ever with political clowns, predatory animals and magic words.

Step right up, folks – the Jeff Sessions high wire act is about to begin. And after that, if we’re lucky, the Donald himself will tell us a story with magic tapes before he makes them and Sessions disappear.

In Peace and Justice,

Trump Times Entry 213 – Above the Law

Above the Law

June 9, 2017

Of course, Comey’s testimony yesterday sparked talk of obstruction of justice charges. And, of course, Trump’s Republican minions feel such charges are totally uncalled for. The reasons to go-easy on the Donald range from “Trump didn’t explicitly demand Comey end the investigation – he just wished Comey would do so.” to “The Donald is new at this government thing – he’s learning as he goes.”

That first reason offered to ignore Trump’s crimes is what we expect from his lawyer – pars the words to obfuscate meaning, look for (or create) reasonable doubt, leverage Trump’s shitty English to make what he says meaningless.

The other reason is a Paul Ryan special. Paul, in a press conference, asked us to be gentle with the Donald because he’s new at this, but he’s learning. The only rational response to this particular defense is a big old, “Fuck off, Paul!” The presidency does not offer on the job training; the candidates for that office claim they can hit the ground running – and that’s what we expect. If Trump is having problems handling the job he can always quit.

There is a third defense, suggested by Trump himself: the Comey is lying and Trump is telling the truth defense. But, no one really believes that – not even Trump supporters.

So, onto completing an investigation and criminal charges – right?

Maybe not.

Various news sources now report we cannot criminally charge a sitting president. Apparently, legal scholars claim the whole equal protection under the law thing has a loophole. Congress would first need to impeach him before charges could be filed.

Of course, the next guy up to bat, Pence, would likely pardon him – like Ford did for Nixon. So regardless of the crime, Trump will probably walk away free.

After suffering two-hundred-thirteen days of Trump crime and abuse is appears the best the republic can expected it to, maybe, fire the Donald for treason? Fuck, we need a new system.

And the Donald needs to eat more junk food and exercise less.

In Peace and Justice,

Trump Times Entry 186 – Tapes? What is this 1973?

Tapes? What is this 1973?

May 13, 2017

What a shock! Our infant and chief has been taping private White House conversations. I wonder where he got the recording equipment – maybe Goodwill? No, can’t be, Trump doesn’t do goodwill. The only reasonable explanation for Trump’s technology choice is a “tip of the hat” to Richard “Tricky Dicky” Nixon. A tribute to crooked presidents passed or maybe it’s a subtle detail in the Donald’s program to make America great again – you know, by going back to analog.

But actually, there’s no need to care about Trump recording conversations or the technology he uses for blackmail and bullying. Let’s remember, when Trump says something, he’s always lying to make himself appear the tough, alpha guy. So, whether on tape, mp3 or vinyl any Trump recorded conversations are at least fifty percent bullshit. Hence, unlikely to provide insight.

Plus, if we want really interesting recordings of White House conversations – you know, incriminating stuff with audio quality so high we can hear him mouth breathing – we should just ask the Russians for theirs.

Just saying comrade…

Over the last one-hundred-eighty-six post-election days my blogs have been getting shorter and shorter. This is not because I have less to say, but rather an attempt to limit my exposure to something as toxic as the Donald. I suspect overexposure to Trump causes the human mind to stretch beyond reasonable endurance and snap, leaving a tangled unusable mess – like an old Ted Nugent eight track tape left out in the sun, back in seventy-three.

The republic needs Trump in prison and everyone knows it – even Republicans.

In Peace and Justice,

While evidence of collusion and treason continues to build up, I’m still betting on heart attack or stroke as the Inevitable Trump Termination Event. Guess I’m just a romantic.

Trump Times Entry 132 – Comrade Comey

Comrade Comey

March 20, 2017

This morning FBI Director James Comey told congress that, sure, the FBI has been investigating Russian-Trump campaign complicity since last July. As an afterthought, he also directly refuted the Donald’s claim that former President Barack Obama wiretapped Trump Tower. So, he indicated his boss a liar, while not calling his boss a liar – a neat trick, even for one as practiced at bullshit as comrade Comey.

While Comey didn’t say so directly, he did imply that this investigation was not mentioned during the election because it was an open, ongoing, investigation. Implying that talking publicly about the Clinton bogus email case was okay because it wasn’t an open case, but it was technically open – the FBI didn’t close that case till November 6. Comey made his public Clinton remarks on October 28.

Once again, the pompous ass hats think we’re too dumb to read a calendar. By his own admission, back in October, Comey had open, ongoing, investigations on both Clinton and Trump. He chose to break protocol and publicly talk about one – Clinton. And now, we are to believe, he’s honestly investigating his boss, Trump – the guy he gave the pass to last October? Yeah right.

We won’t get a clean investigation from Comey or either of the Congressional committees – they all harbor conflicts of interest. Comey’s investigation may lead back to Comey. And frankly, Paul Ryan said it best last month when he shared that Republicans are disinterested in investigating Republicans. They won big time riding Trump’s coattails – why would they want to cross him? Besides, they’re all cowards and the bully scares them. (Oh no, the Donald will primary me if I say the wrong thing. Butthurt!)

The republic requires an independent investigator to consider the 2016 election. But, it’s very unlikely that congress will authorize one. An independent investigation could lead anywhere – even back to the guys who authorized it. For reasons, too easy to understand, our representatives would rather not be investigated.

It been one-hundred-thirty-two days since a foreign power helped Trump take the election. Democracy may require the consent of the governed, but Putin’s consent seems to have been the deciding factor this time around.

In Peace and Justice Comrades,

PS –
I wonder what wild claim the Donald will make to distract from this latest problem. I’m kinda hoping a really big lie, like actual aliens landing at Area 54 and requesting audience with the greatest leader in the universe, the Donald. You know, something more credible than what we’ve been hearing from Trump so far.