The Two Trump Riddle
April 12, 2017
After one-hundred-fifty-five days of careful post-election observation, I may have stumbled upon a pattern! True, random is technically a pattern and Trump’s never-ending stream of oddly disjointed seemingly unrelated ideas looks pretty random, but calling a pattern you don’t understand random is a cop-out. Besides, Russian references emerge too often in any Trump analysis to be truly random, not to mention the repetitive bankruptcies, lawsuits and wives – no, there’s a discernible pattern.
And I think it’s kind of like the (2000 year) old Two Guard Riddle. You know the one: there are two identical unmarked doors; behind one is a heaven of your choosing – perhaps including art, contentment and your twenty-one-year-old body. Behind the other is a personal hell – maybe a life compelled to watching FOX New seven/twenty-four where the mindless drone is broken only by old Subway commercials featuring Jared. You know, painful.
Standing in front of the doors are two guards. One guard always tells the truth, the other only lies. You may ask one guard one question before choosing and entering heaven or hell. What question do you ask?
The answer is: ask either guard, what door would the other guy say is the heaven door – then choose the opposite. (Feel free to logic it out if you care to. If you’ve been able to follow my wandering prose so far, you are plenty smart enough.)
Anyway, I suspect that’s how the Donald handles his daily decision making. Say, a big question comes across his desk – perhaps, should we bomb Syria? The Donald looks to the nearest staff member and says, “General Mattis, If I asked Ambassador Haley should we bomb Syria, what would she say?”
Mad Dog Mattis would, of course, reply, “Hell sir, she hangs out with those UN types all day. She’s gonna tell you not to bomb them.”
Trump would then proceed to give the launch order and head out for a round of golf.
Using this technique, Trump never over-thinks anything, gets a quick turnaround and, to the outsider, appears random. Win, win, win.
Yeah, I think the hypothesis is solid – just need supporting observation and correlation. And with any luck, Trump will be impeached before I collect that data. So, here’s hoping for an inconclusive result.
The republic recognizes random as a pattern, but not the Donald as president. The former is helpful when thinking abstractly, the latter is not.
In Peace and Justice,
The previous was parody. The author does not have evidence of or wish to imply that the Donald is capable of solving the Two Guard Riddle or using its underlying algorithm for application in life – real or fake.