March 31, 2017
Recently, a couple guys on the White House staff copped some information from an FBI surveillance resource. They cherry-picked a few conversations, then packed them up into a nice press-package and called the leader of the House Intelligence Trump investigation, Devin Nunes. The congressman came running to White House and obediently collected the package – he didn’t bother to mention this somewhat unorthodox evidence collection method to the rest of his investigative committee.
After reviewing the material and assessing presidential need, Nunes held press conferences and suggested that newly discovered data vindicated Trump, but refused to disclose the nature of the info or the source. He then rushed to the White House to advise Trump staff of his lucky find. He didn’t bother to mention this somewhat unorthodox discloser method to the rest of his investigative committee.
So, illegally obtained information from the entity under investigation, the White House, was (secretly) moved from the White House, to congressman Nunes, to the press, back to the White House. The Donald then feigned surprised outrage with the investigation, claimed vindication and changed the subject to Hillary Clinton’s 2009 Russian Reset.
Nice, that Trump inspired fake news completed the circle in only three clumsy steps – and we appreciate that. Keeping it simple is good for everyone. Keeping bullshit simple is good for the liar because there’s less to keep track of – easier to keep the story straight. And it’s good for the rest of us because it’s simpler to unravel and fewer new names need be memorized. (Frankly, I’m running out of memory space for the names of all the new traitors and have begun to just tend a dark-grey folder labeled: “Other Trump Traitors”. There are no actual names in the folder, just the word “many”.)
You know, if I can’t remember a few names, it’s probably unfair to expect the Donald to keep the totality of his bullshit straight for much longer. It’s been one-hundred-forty-three days since the election and that’s a long time to maintain so many lies. So, the republic understands the Donald’s desire for simplicity of bullshit. It must be really hard keeping so many balls in the air.
Nevertheless, Michael Flynn just offered to testify about the Russian connections, but insists upon immunity from criminal prosecution. So, looks like some other guys on the White House staff are gonna need to try another Hail-Mary. Hope they keep it simple.
In Peace and Justice,