Alpha Diplomacy

March 18, 2017

Yesterday the Donald hosted a meeting with the leader of the free world, German Chancellor Angela Merkel. Our guy showed up wearing his angry adolescent personality and opened with refusing the courtesy of a handshake. Diplomatic symbolism – Trump style.

Chancellor Merkel, understated as usual, landed the first real zinger when she used the motherly, “It’s much much better to talk to one another than about one another” ostensibly in response to Trump’s trash talking her for the last year.

The press, ever analytic, called the meeting tense.

Yeah, no shit. He spent the whole time frowning and looking down – his voice had that angry daddy edge to it. She seemed to be studying him. The Chancellor had that Margaret Mead in observation mode look – gathering data, trying to understand.

Apparently during the closed-door part of the event, Trump pressed Merkel to increase funding for NATO and she agreed to increase her country’s defense spending. So, there we have it, another Trump win.

Or do we? Does spending more on Germany’s defense mean more money to NATO? Not sure – I going to assume she probably would have agreed to anything just to make the closed-door meeting with the rude American combover guy end. I would have. So, who knows? (Is it a good idea to bully another ally? Is it ever a good idea to bully Germany? Drifting…)

After the closed-door segment, the Donald, still looking angry, and Angela, looking relieved, took a few questions from the press. Still waiting for a backbone implant, the American press asked something no one remembers. But the Germans asked about sensitive topics like isolationist policies, fake news and Trump’s infamous wiretap claim – which triggered the Donald.

Trump vehemently announced he was the least isolationist guy we know. And deflected everything else by citing a FOX News show as source for his wiretapping charges. He further suggested that he and Chancellor Merkel, at least, had wiretapping by the black guy in common. Diplomatic wit – Trump style.

The German press laughed.

Angela Merkel gave him the very same look of distaste my, very German, grandmother gave me that time she caught me thumbing through my grandfather’s hidden “nature” magazines – resigned disgust. I think she’s done studying him.

Fox News, immediately published a disclaimer: We have no evidence, blah, blah, blah…

The republic would like to apologize to Angela Merkel.  The Donald has been acting out ever since reaching adolescent fifty-eight years ago, but we’re hoping he’ll outgrow it any day now. After all, it’s only been one-hundred-thirty days since he unexpectedly won this shitty job and, besides, powerful women make him cranky.

In peace and Justice
osv