Made America Freak Again

February 17, 2017

In what can only be described as a faith based choice, we hired the Donald one-hundred and one days ago, and while most of us had certain reservations about him, we Americans honor our bad decisions. So, we put him in charge, thinking, at least we knew him. Go with devil you know…

After all, we’ve had cranky old white guys in charge before and survived. And Trump’s been in the spotlight for years so we had some notion of personality. He’s been presenting as a proudly shallow rich guy for a long time, the kind of dude who thinks gold-plating a toilet is elegant. Of course, in the new Trump era, he presents as an old proudly shallow rich guy, but his sense of style remains solid eighties tacky.

Yeah, he provided some additional “depth” during his promotional campaign and added “tough on crime” and “real man” (as defined by his meth snorting rural followers) to his resume. But most voters don’t follow campaigns; they just go with what they think they already know. Plus, “tough on crime” and “real man” are implied by the whole shallow thing.

But, as it turns out, caring for a shallow rich gold-plated toilet president is tricky and exhausting. We need some strategy to work with him. Or, more likely, work around him.

Sure, could wait it out. We’ll get through four years of the old guy spouting clueless rhetoric and signing meaningless executive orders. Yes, he’ll piss off some feminists when he installs a hot tub, a leather swing and ceiling mirrors in the Lincoln room, but a guy needs something to talk about in the locker room. We can get by the presidential hijinks.

Unless, of course, he goes bat shit crazy, like he did yesterday during his first solo press conference.

Yesterday, in rare form, even for the Donald, he spent seventy-seven minutes ranting, sometimes about not ranting. (Listening to this guy makes me dizzy.) He ranted about the press, he ranted about real leaks that somehow became fake news once published. He answered a question about anti-Semitic violence in America by saying he found the question insulting and denied being racist. He roamed from topic to topic like a tired old drunkard.

In front of the world, the man with the launch codes couldn’t hang onto a thought long enough to complete a coherent sentence. Just like that, the Donald made America freak-out again.

The republic can’t keep the exotic president unless it’s willing to feed him and cleanup his shit. Having a pet is a big responsibility and, besides, he doesn’t look happy in captivity. Returning him to the wild may be best for everyone.

In Peace and Justice,
osv