The Wicked Witch of the West Wing

January 24, 2017

Perhaps today, the seventy-seventh since the Donald acquired America and forth since completion of the hostile takeover, we can find some small way to make the voices in our heads go away. One particularly rasped voice, Kellyanne Conway, is my top candidate for elimination.

We all knew Kellyanne as the wildly successful Director of Propaganda for the Trump campaign. And now, as Counselor to the President she continues her magic, recasting reality before our eyes. With the logic of the Mad Hatter, the voice of an evil stepmother and the rage of the clinically insane she’s been chanting in our heads for so long. How about, we cast her out?  The timing seems right.

There’s no doubt, Kellyanne, a master at the dark art of dissuasion, still performs the classic “Lie then change the subject” move effortlessly and with the grace of a black widow. But lately, her chops have been a little suspect.

In her last NBC interview, she led with a threat – a good start. But then got blindsided by actual questions. (You’d think the treat would have made hard questions go away, but no.) Then, she got flustered and reflexively spit out the words that will be embossed on her grave – alternative facts.

The interviewer, smelling blood, jumped on the opportunity like an actual journalist (imagine my surprise) and eventually stated the obvious – alternative facts are falsehoods.

In a rank, amateur move, Kellyanne tried to change the subject by pivoting to Obama failures. But, Obama is history, gone – not an interesting enemy anymore. Kellyanne, the pro, had shifted in the wrong direction and stumbled. While she tried to “alternative fact” her way through the rest of the interview, the rout was on.

Clearly, Kellyanne’s best lies are behind her and she should move on. It would be best if she went voluntarily. You know, got on her broom and flew off into the sunset – cackling “Abandon all hope!” Something classy.

Otherwise we need the press to STOP interviewing her. There is no point in talking with a government representative arrogant enough to announce she is entitled to lie. Plus, she’s lost her mojo – out flanked by Chuck Todd, please!

Instead, let’s look to Sean “The Whiner” Spicer as the new voice for the Donald. At least when Sean tells us absolute bullshit, he doesn’t appear to be enjoying himself – for now.

The republic has standards, Kellyanne just doesn’t meet them. It’s only tough love.

In Peace and Justice,
osv